The Toddler Version Of You Has Something To Say
Written by: Alycia Ripley
These are my actual shoes from 1980. I was two, but they felt exciting. My feet were small but I was going somewhere. I hate letting go of things from earlier in life—I'm absurdly attached to my past. The toys, the music, the time period, my school and teachers, and this safe feeling that if you worked hard and believed in yourself, you'd make dreams happen. I have at least six unicorn bookmarks from the 80s promising this exact thing so it must be true. I'm part of Gen Y, the less angsty sibling of Gen X but similar in nostalgic attachments and creativity—we were the 'You don't have to grow up to be a grownup' generation. And believe me, I've proven it. It was special to be an 80s kid and 90s teen.
Caption: Toddler shoes with no laces held in the hand
I didn't mind tossing out 2nd-grade math papers that illustrated numeric dyslexia or examples of imperfect cursive. But I struggled with some of the photos. I have doubles of every photo I've ever taken. I may not be in high school, college, or my twenties anymore but my reactions to these divulged how far I may or may not have come in the self-actualization process. A few drudged up memories I'd give anything to go back and re-do: to be more assertive, make a different choice, or not care so much.
But the people and situations aren't gone—they just arrive in trickier adulthood packages. These new and improved challenges suss out behaviors, attitudes, and reactions I thought I'd long since shed. Although I've found my voice, developed boundaries, and found productive ways to succeed, I'm annoyed to realize I haven't completely kicked all the old stuff I categorize as Surefire Ways to Lose Perspective, Ways to Annoy Yourself and Hand Over Control Of Your Life or my favorite, Total Nonsense That Could Have Easily Been Avoided. Maybe some of these sound familiar.
-- Failing to call out condescending/gaslighting or passive-aggressive behavior because the person either 1) isn't like that all the time or better yet, 2) you hate to cause a problem or a scene. (The advanced version is when the offender is a family member who believes you probably won't come back at them. Do it. You'll feel better and there's nothing like breaking up toxic family patterns with a well-deserved clap back.)
-- Utilizing emotion over logic (few people can railroad logic with my degree of persistence—a skill no one wants yet watches, awestruck as if spying someone bicycle through the air.)
--People-pleasing. Just when you've got it kicked, it'll kick you when you're down. You aren't on this Earth to make everyone's life easier, especially those with out-of-line expectations and shady intentions.
--Overthinking. (Making more of the problem than the problem originally was, is a fun parlor game that does nothing but tire friends, family, and encourages you to drink earlier in the day.)
--Making assumptions without having concrete information. (This is like turning off GPS, driving toward a cliff, and smiling, fingers crossed.)
--Forming decisions out of lack/fear rather than strength and self-confidence. (A puppy running with a lampshade on its head is the correct visual here. )
These are common one-way tickets to regret, even years later.
But here's where my toddler shoes come into play.
They remind me of ways in which I'm still faltering, challenged, getting in my own way, letting my heart/hormones run over self-care, or not seeing the forest for the trees. The shoes know. They represent the earliest me and all the me's since. It's not useful to compare your decisions to those of friends without the same personality or goals. We must check in with ourselves to move forward. Ask 'Would this 2 yr old, 12 yr old, 20 yr old, or 30 yr old version be proud of where I am, how I act, think, make choices, or deal with discomfort? Or would they shake their head at how I'm still buffering over reality, becoming fearful over things I should have mastered, etc?'
The shoes evaluate progress against my various decades and ask why certain issues are still present. Where does the inner tangle come from? What situations provide a way to practice better reactions? If you've outgrown a way of being, let the universe take it back into its weird, infinite ocean and create new muscle memory.
Find a treasured artifact from your past. Use it to remember who you were and wanted to become. My shoes may be little. They may have lost their laces. But those '80s sneakers are still getting me someplace good.
Q&A Time:
Q: What unexpected joy have you discovered that was only possible from being removed from your comfort zone?
A: I moved to LA, Hawaii, and Australia without really knowing anyone. It wasn't always easy but I trusted my inner tools to navigate people, places, & situations. I love adventures & discoveries & sometimes like being alone to explore. I only wish Instagram had been around during those times!
About the Author:
Alycia Ripley is the author of several published works, including three novels and one memoir, as well as a frequent contributor to notable national magazines. You can more about Alycia on Alyciaripley.com and on Insta @talentedmsripley.