Getting Out of the Groove
Written by: Alycia Ripley
See you on the flipside. Many have forgotten the term. Its popularity was greatest in the late 60s and 70s and references the underside of a record album. The songs on the album were cut in half, same with cassettes, but the A side were usually the radio hits and the B side the deep cuts: the riskier, often more heartfelt songs the band had written without knowing if they'd find an audience. The B-side was where listeners learned more about what the artist(s) were capable of and where they were headed. “See you on the flipside” meant see you later, alligator, when we meet again or things get better.
Born in 1978, I was a cassette-kid but listened to my mom's records and bought my own at our now-defunct Record Theatre. My favorites were soundtrack albums or instrumental film scores—my Critters soundtrack from 1986 is one of my prized possessions—which influenced the belief that my own life had a soundtrack playing through school hallways or as I rode a bike fashioned with glittery handlebar tassels. I needed music in order to write the movies I composed in my head. Cassettes were perfect for bike rides but records didn't need rewinding. They couldn't be jostled or the tape unhinged. No over-thinking necessary—you placed the needle down and the greater your familiarity with the record, the more quickly you pinpointed your desired spot on the groove. When interested in the B-side, you simply turned it over and began.
The needle/record symbiosis illustrated a strange similarity to my own behavior. I couldn't find my way out of grooves. The same deep, determined lines imprinted upon a vinyl record felt embossed onto my brain. If I had a to-do list and say, my mother was to ask for help with an additional task, I would have to do that task before addressing my own. If it was mentioned, that groove demanded I begin immediately and follow it to completion. It's probably a form of OCD. You can imagine such a person as very organized...and you'd be correct, complete with reflexes so alert that it sometimes takes half a CBD gummy to assure them they can relax.
It also meant I had a difficult time letting things go. Many times a task, situation, or person wasn't meant to reach a complete ending, only a bump in the record, a skipping of the needle. The idea that something could or should end without due completion or end credits, implied that I couldn't make it work. The scenario I'd created in my head would be let down by my lack of ability to create, write, direct, edit, and music-compose my real life. I gave non-deserving people, places, situations, and worries more time, credence, energy, and vibration than deserved. Life isn't always like a movie as it turns out. It can't wrap up in two hours or achieve the highs and lows of a soundtrack album. In order to move toward places meant for us, we must sometimes abandon the groove. Madonna would be aghast. Here she's been since 1985, telling us to get into the groove and here I am, urging you to jump free of it.
Had I not embraced the flipside, it would have cost my health and self-concept. The epiphany didn't come easily. A few years back, I was depressed for the first time: lost, confused, and frustrated that nothing was working personally or professionally. No matter how many people enjoyed my books, it didn't equate to solid finances. Paid writing gigs were few and far between. The people who most needed my PR and branding services could least afford to pay for them. What kept me in decent standing was an ability to save money, a talent given and cultivated by my mother. Work was part of my identity. Published since fifteen years old, I wasn't me if I wasn't creating and to be able to do it you need to be paid, at least some of the time. As a writer and actor, I wanted to write and direct films—my talent lies in storytelling on both sides of the camera—but felt I lacked technical knowledge. The icing on the cake was when people I believed were consistent figures in my life were able to leave with little care, leaving me to wonder why I was so easy to walk away from. No one needed the skillset I'd crafted over decades. In short, no one needed me.
I looked gray and felt sick, probably due to short, staggered breaths and tears I couldn't control. I'd amounted to nothing and the optimistic advice I gave others was falling on my own deaf ears. I had zero opportunities and few people could be counted on. But one day it hit me. Or more like a series of days spent putting one foot in front of the other. Once free from mental quicksand, I could again see colors and hear music. What I'd done, without realizing, was flip my album to the B-side. The deep cut. The groove informed by experiences had, contacts made, friends embraced. I was so focused on being chosen—for work, by a person, that I forgot it needed to be the right work, the best person. And that I needed to become the most interesting version of myself. That inspiration comes only from the B-side. We think the “hits” are what make us who we are but most important are stories we tell ourselves about our identity. Life isn't just what happens to us. It's what we think about what happens to us.
My goals of writing and film-making didn't materialize in the way I'd anticipated. But they're happening now because I unstuck my perspective. I now have both an eight episode television show and a short film written and moving toward funding and production when the pandemic dies down. The way sights, sounds, and music exist within the camera box of my mind proved I knew how to bring a vision to life. And you don't need all the technical knowledge, that's why you hire a cinematographer and a sound design team.
I stopped waiting for the perfect time or piece of knowledge. There won't ever be a perfect beginning. Choose yourself and put the needle on the B-side with the deeper cuts, stronger investment, the imprinted heart, memories, and personality. Exit any groove that doesn't groove with you. Focus on what you want. No instruction manual says you need to want the same things as your friends. No guide states that a straight line is the only path to goal fulfillment. Life often zigzags through your best laid plans. You get more than one chance to find your way. The record comes back around. Go B-side, just below, waiting with rock and roll options. Consider what you want, understand that it's possible and that you have the tools to do it. Just begin.
The record needle always finds its way.
Alycia Ripley is the author of several published works, including three novels and one memoir, as well as a frequent contributor to notable national magazines. You can more about Alycia on Alyciaripley.com and on Insta @talentedmsripley.