Jake, Jordan & Lloyd: What I Finally Realized About Heartthrobs
Heartthrobs du moment
Top Left: Michael Schoeffling as Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles
Top Right: Jared Leto as Jordan Catalano in My So Called Life
Bottom: John Cusack as Lloyd Dobler in Say Anything
Written by: Alycia Ripley
Walk up to a female former 80's teenager and ask who Jake Ryan is. She'll probably disclose her still-valid fantasy of leaving a wedding and finding him out there waiting, leaning against a red Corvette, the sounds of Thompson Twins' 'If You Were Here' coming from a soundtrack only she can hear.
Stroll up to a female former 90's teen and mention Jordan Catalano... there'll be an immediate reaction. She'll probably admit she wished he went to her high school, dropping Visine drops into his eyes, and staring silently as she walked by the lockers in slow-motion, Sonic Youth or Juliana Hatfield playing from an invisible PA system.
Sixteen Candles and My So-Called Life boasted heartthrobs that stand the test of decades. I believed from the bottom of my real-life heart that your heartthrob would know you were worth it and prove it with some unique, climactic gesture. Maybe he always knew, maybe there were comic misunderstandings, maybe something opened his eyes to all that made you special, enigmatic, cool, and just the person for him. Especially the soundtrack part—the perfect music would of COURSE be there at the right moment. He'd just know and have it on in the car or someone (who probably spent some time clerking at a music store—RIP to these fantastic institutions) would flood your mind with the alt-rock of the day, notating this exact moment for all time.
I believed those guys would show up. Not the fictional characters but real-life representatives. I believed when the song came on, all of this would be worth it, the school, the hassles, the work. The time spent becoming an interesting and quality person, becoming special, becoming somebody. It would pay off with that person recognizing it. This ending had to becoming, I felt, because who better to appreciate that moment? Who had it more orchestrated inside her mind, the feeling of finally being SEEN? Because that's the be-all-end-all, underneath the hoping and fantasizing. It comes down to being seen and appreciated for what makes you unique.
I've been the Lloyd Dobler of my life. Who can forget Lloyd, he who helps Diane Court maneuver around a piece of glass and doesn't want to sell, buy, or process any goods to make a living in Say Anything? Lloyd may appear as an underachiever but shines as the ultimate Gen X romantic. He recognizes important moments and understands that music matters. (Note his iconic Clash t-shirt he wears to kickbox and dispel life lessons no one's listening to but should.) I desperately needed a Lloyd. I'd been holding up my own boom box for years as it serenaded no one with Peter Gabriel's 'In Your Eyes.' But I realized why he's here now: why Lloyd (and Jake and Jordan) finally showed up.
The heartthrob represented something. I emphasized his importance because by gifting him the job of seeing and recognizing me, it took away from my having to do it. It was an easy way out from putting in the work to self-actualize. If the heartthrob's on his way then career roadblocks don't hurt, frustrated goals don't matter. You coast through problems or uncertainties because...he's coming and when he arrives, all will be right in your world, heart, and self-concept.
It only took a few decades to realize the heartthrob was trying to wake me up to the theme because I'd been caught up by the music. Distracted by the set-piece. Sidelined by the stare. The heartthrob was more than a person—he was a feeling, a triumph, and he only showed up, worked it out, when the heroine finally discerned one very specific thing.
I've long wanted to be a working, recognized writer/actor/director...a professional cinematic storyteller. I'd had some wins but mostly stalls and disappointments due to limited networks and connections. But in 2019, I won a small role in a Paramount film, another in an indie, my books were re-gaining traction, and I began transitioning my ideas into full-fledged scripts. I worked for film festivals, engaged directors and producers, networked with like-minded people, and reached out to directors and producers I admired. I decided to write and direct a short and connected with an awesome talent who offered to produce it. I reached out to a favorite director who agreed to Zoom call and give tips to a first-timer. It was that night, the one in which I was offered the Zoom, that I finally realized what the heroines had done that, ultimately, brought what they'd been searching for: a sense of peace, acceptance, self-knowledge, and greater confidence.
Life had changed because I was pushing its plot forward. Because I'd stopped chasing my tail, slowed the worrying, and maximized opportunities. I'd wanted to be seen by people who liked my work and wanted to work with me. When that began to happen, I heard the music coming from somewhere and felt Jordan Catalano smiling. Being chosen by the guy is wonderful. And I hope that I am. But that's not what I prayed for as a kid. Nor what I hoped for as a teenager. I wanted to be someone, I wanted to be seen. I wanted to be chosen because of what I could do and how I made people feel, whether they were adults, kids, dogs, or audiences. And in my mind, until I did those things, I wouldn't choose myself, and neither would anyone else. Because my greatest goal was...the getting there.
Feeling proud and seen is the difference. These people who appreciate my work—they're the heartthrobs of my life. They're the Josh finally kissing Cher in Clueless, Marty McFly with his arm around Jennifer in Back to the Future, Michael Douglas waiting in the middle of a Manhattan avenue on a boat to drive away with Kathleen Turner in Romancing The Stone. They're who I've been waiting for.
Maybe I'll get that moment. Maybe the heartthrob will appear and that one, great song will play. Maybe my heart will skip a beat as I take it in. But the person finally showing up was the one who always appeared so disappointed in the mirror. Writer/director John Hughes would understand. His heroines came into their own just before the heartthrobs showed up to cement the deal. My finish line finally doesn't feel so impossibly far off.
If you were here, guys, you'd find your mark and make it happen. Because I figured it out.
When Lloyd drives up with that boom box and I can finally take a rest, I'll appreciate that moment in a different way because I know how heavy it is and what that moment is worth. I've been holding it myself for a long, long time. And I know just what song to play.
Q&A Time:
Q: What character traits flipped for you between child and adulthood?
A: Authenticity. I held back a lot as a child. People got away with more than they should have. Nothing's more energizing than realizing comebacks are like 2nd nature or that I don't have to smile when I don't feel like it. (I was an obligatory smiler.)
Alycia Ripley is the author of several published works, including three novels and one memoir, as well as a frequent contributor to notable national magazines. You can more about Alycia on Alyciaripley.com and on Insta @talentedmsripley.