Inbetween Days
Written by: Alycia Ripley
Inbetween Days
Time has this odd ability to shift pace. I sometimes wonder if time is an actual person, maneuvering years for his/her agenda. I'd like to consider myself someone who never took time for granted but that wouldn't be true. Too often I wished days away when plans didn't work out, or looked too forward to specific events, ignoring the current day. This happened far less in recent years, as my happiness grew and career goals aligned. I compare myself less to others and my days feel more truly mine. This summer, I went on a road trip and came back a different person. My time in Iowa attached to a special, specific energy that clarified what I wanted most, how to get it, and drained the color from unimportant issues or conflicts. Once I returned, each day seemed valuable. The most special have been what I call the Inbetween days, the title of a song by The Cure, a phrase that describes days that aren't major, and hold nothing typically exciting.
My mother, while very healthy, has an eye condition making it impossible for her to drive. When I'm in town, I drive her to appointments and pick up things that she needs. Since this happened, we've been spending more time together. We recently took a trip to a greenhouse. We've been there before but this particular day struck me. This errand that we've done millions of times, one that often takes way too long, (my mom is a gardening enthusiast) and takes away from work I could be doing, is an activity that won't always be available. We won't always live in this house. My mom won't always be here. I won't always be young. Anything could change and probably will. Since my trip, that line of thought no longer scares me; I now feel only a push toward behaving so as to have zero regrets when things change amidst the unpredictable nature of life.
Our days achieve the meaning WE give them. Some are more stressful than others, some less productive. If you only believe a day is fun or important if you did 3 things on a list deemed 'exciting,' you're letting one slip through your fingers. CHOOSE to find something fun or hilarious or interesting. Take note of what you're doing and who with and why. Are you helping a loved one? Having a quiet meal together? Did you meet anyone new and interesting and take in a story you otherwise wouldn't have heard? Consider that a valuable moment.
My friend Katie takes a photo of her daughter doing something, anything, every day. Sometimes it's of her parents, sometimes husband. Sometimes something else entirely. I gently poked fun at her obsession with checking Facebook memories until I noticed her disappointment if they were erased before she had the opportunity. It was the way she sat quietly, looking through these memories from five years earlier, eight years, maybe last year, that impressed me. She took the time to remember the moment. How many of us edit beautiful photos for social media and rarely scroll back and remember it as it happened? Now, I snap a photo anytime we go to the greenhouse or have friends over or of the amazing meals my mom makes, to remember how things looked, smelled, sounded, etc. I do this with friends and other loved ones too and when I take time to look back versus just posting, the day takes on greater importance. Just because we go to sleep and expect to wake up, it won't necessarily be to the day we're predicting.
The big days are exciting, and the wins make uphill battles worth it, but I think that at the end of our lives, the inbetween days will make the most difference, teach us the most, forge the most connection, and matter. They're the glue to who we are, what we've learned, and time spent. When loved ones are no longer here and life changes direction, the days at the greenhouse or raking ridiculous amount of leaves, or racing to the drugstore to pick up my mom's medicine at 9pm, will stand as my life markers. They string together a narrative that shows who I was when no one was looking.
About the Author:
Alycia Ripley is the author of several published works, including three novels and one memoir, as well as a frequent contributor to notable national magazines. You can more about Alycia on Alyciaripley.com and on Insta @talentedmsripley.